Happy Dance

It has been many years now Lord since I chose to take Your hand held out to me, and walk with You.

I never thought it would be easy, for there was much of myself I needed to let go, so much of You I longed for.

I wanted so much to be close to You, to feel Your love, to feel Your peace, to know for sure that I was forgiven, and would live with You for eternity. I knew what Your Word said Lord, but surely not for someone like me.

How could I, as unworthy as I am, ever reach and touch the hands of my God?

I never really knew if I would make it Lord, if I would actually reach You and touch You, I hoped I would, but I never really knew.

There seemed to be so many obstacles in my way. Two steps forward and one-step back seemed to be how it was for me. I longed for the uncertainty to end. I longed for the assurance that I would one day reach You and touch You. To complete this journey that was a head of me.

I had a dream one night Lord, many years ago, was it a dream or was it real? I am not sure. I know I went to sleep in my bed and I woke in my bed. I also know I met with You. And You spoke to me so clearly that night.

You took me to this open space, a large field of grass and weeds; there were boulders all over the ground, amongst them, there were fallen trees and broken branches. There were thistles and all sorts of obstacles in that space.

My eyes were drawn to the far side of this field, to a light that shone and glowed, I gazed at it and there You were Lord, standing under two trees that formed an arch at the top, so beautiful You were. So tranquil in the trees.

You had Your arms and hands reached out to me, I ran, I climbed over boulders, trees. I was scratched with thistles, struggling and crying, I was so afraid You would leave before I could reach You.

Then suddenly I was over all those obstacles, and close to You. I reached out and touched Your hands, only a fleeting touch, for just a second. Then You were gone. However, not before the most incredible love and warmth soaked right through me, like nothing else I have ever known before.

It was the feeling of coming home, I knew then that I would reach You, and that You had given me all I needed to walk this walk, and climb all obstacles in my life from then on, until the day I would indeed live with You in eternity.

I knew that day; I already had eternal life with You Lord.

Some may say that was a dream. I know without doubt, that evening, I really heard and met with You... that was real.

That gift You gave me then Lord is just as precious, just as alive for me today, as it was 33 years ago. Lord, You knew my heart, You knew the grief and pain and loneliness I was living with at that time. You knew and waited for me. You never let me go. You gathered me up and carried me next to Your heart. You gave me the hope and assurance I needed.

Thank You Lord for letting me touch You.

……………..

Isa 40:10-11 Behold, the Lord GOD will come with might,
With His arm ruling for Him
Behold, His reward is with Him
And His recompense before Him.
Like a shepherd He will tend His flock,
In His arm He will gather the lambs
And carry them in His bosom;
He will gently lead the nursing ewes.

Isa 40:26 Lift up your eyes on high
And see who has created these stars,
The One who leads forth their host by number,
He calls them all by name;
Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power,
Not one of them is missing.

I have a dear friend, who lives on the other side of the world.

Not that distances matters that much because he always seems to appear at times when I need someone to talk to.

The Holy Spirit knows the right time to send him to me.

Or I can just send a message to him and make a date for a chat, today was one of those days.

Sometimes just talking with someone, who understands, helps to clear the fog in ones brain, and I think that today for me the fog is lifting...

Now the wonderful thing is that my friend doesn’t tell me what to do, he has the gift of gently guiding me around those obstacles in my life and allowing me the joy of hearing the answers myself from my God.

It was an amazing thing for me to suddenly see through the fog and see what God wants me to do, to be able put closure to this today.

I am ready today to move on.

That is all I can do with the past regardless of what happened and who was to blame for the mistakes made.

I am ready today to move on.

To move on, does not mean that one loses awareness of what happened, it means I release the pain and resentment from my memory, it means I acknowledge that I did all I could to make things right at the time. It means that the self doubts and questioning stop here, now.

I am ready today to move on.

It also means I will not allow the precious memories that were made during those weeks to be destroyed or tarnished by feelings and self-doubts that are not of God.

How do I put closure to these feelings in my life now? Ahh that is one of the special gifts my friend taught me...

I forgive those things that I cannot forget, and I keep on forgiving until they have no power to hold me to the pain.

It does not mean I do not remember any longer, it means I can remember without the pain and doubts.

I am ready today to move on.

I will have the closure and the peace, because unforgivness and doubts have been exchanged for forgiveness and trust... I have made an exchange in my life, the world’s way of dealing with painful things, anger and unforgiveness for Gods way of forgiveness, trust and peace.

I do not doubt those old memories will try to negotiate another deal with me and test how committed I am to moving on, but I am ready and able to cope with that now.

I am ready today to move on.

There is something that I need to do in the practical sense as well to help with this closure, and the first chance I get to do this I will be doing it, I will be fulfilling a promise I made to my mom...

I am ready today to move on.

The pain can go. The things I will remember now are the joy and blessings and the precious last weeks.

Thank you my friend for reminding me in those difficult times to make memories.

I got a bit lost back then in all the turmoil and pain. Now I have those times to remember, to smile, to hold onto, for they are filled with love and are so special, they are a gift that will help me close the door on this now. So thank you for reminding me back then to make those times, they are something that I will have forever.

I am ready today to move on.

Phil 4:7 ‘And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus‘.

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock."

Because God is responsible for our welfare, we are told to cast all our care upon Him, for He cares for us [1Pet 5:7].  God says,  "I'll take the burden-don't give it a thought-leave it to Me."  God is keenly aware that we are dependent upon Him for life's necessities.

Billy Graham

Happy the generation where the great listen to the small, for it follows that in such a generation the small will listen to the great.

Hebrew Proverb

God did not create woman from man's head, that he should command her, nor from his feet, that she should be his slave, but rather from his side, that she should be near his heart.

 Hebrew Proverb