Happy Dance

I had cause a couple of weeks ago to be so disappointed with myself and how I behaved, I had all the seemingly right excuses for my behaviour, but God taught me a lesson and showed me something I needed to see.

I have known a lady for a few years now, not as a personal friend, but a friend just the same. I have been less than a friend to her though as I have allowed my busy life and my lack of patience at times to treat her less than she really deserved as a sister in Christ.

She is well known around town as a very friendly soul, she has an intellectual handicap, but she does still manage to live on her own with her sister living in an apartment in front of hers. She talks loud, she loves to get close to people, like at times almost in ones face, she loves to hug people, loves to kiss one on the cheek and tell them God Bless you. Many people, me included have at times avoided her by ducking into a shop or even quickly leaving a shop if she is in there, because in spite of her being friendly etc, she does take patience and she does take time… She is also not shy in asking for a ride home or to somewhere else she maybe going.

A couple of weeks ago, on a Saturday at lunchtime, my husband and I went into a coffee lounge for a coffee and something to eat… I walked in there, took a tray and plates, and then heard a voice call out to me. I turned around and there she was with a beaming smile on her face, she was so happy to see us there. I turned to my husband and said “sorry” all I wanted to do was to have a quiet lunch with him. I was tired and my patience was wearing thin that morning. She got up from her table, rushed over, and gave my husband and me a hug and a kiss… then because it was busy, she went back to her table.

We got our food and paid for it and made our way to a table, as we moved away from the counter, she waved to us and called out “I have made some room at my table for you”

We went and sat with her at her table and she chatted and was so happy… She was telling us that she walks a couple of miles into town each day, leaving home at about 9am each day… Why each day? Because she would rather sit in a coffee bar, eat lunch, and walk around town where people were all around her, even if they were not talking to her, than sit at home alone every day.

I looked at her face and God gave me a good look at the loneliness and pain on her face and in her eyes, she so wanted to belong, to be accepted, to have some contact, to be hugged, she gave so often and yet she received back so little. I felt so ashamed of those times I had been too busy, too intolerant, too important, and too blind to see… God really touched me at that moment and showed me that each time I hug this sister, each time I give her a ride somewhere, each time I make the time to stop and say hi to her, everything I do to her or for her I am doing to HIM. I looked at her dear sweet face with the huge eyes smiling back and I saw Jesus.

How she loves Jesus.

I came home very changed that day in my attitudes and I know that scales dropped from my eyes that day as God dealt with my selfishness.

I saw her again at the weekend and I asked her if she would allow me to take her out for lunch today. She was very excited, said yes! So I picked her up today, and I took her to a nice restaurant. I choose a table right near the door so she could see who came in; she wanted people to see her.

We ordered our food and when it arrived, she would not touch it until I had prayed a blessing over the food…so right in front of the door we prayed a blessing over our food as others looked on. I wanted so much to bless her today, but I was the one that received the biggest blessing of all.

Thank You Lord for showing me the gift and blessing of loving through this dear dear sister…

In His Love

Les

~~Written for my dear friend Lampwicke~~

Thank you my friend, for being there for me.
You came in obedience to me at a time I was so low,
I didn't even ask you , you just appeared with hands
held out to me in offer of friendship and help.

You knew my reluctance to ask for help, for the Holy Spirit
already showed you that. So you came to me instead, you
even made me feel like I was helping you.

I know it was the Holy Spirit that was sending you, for the
timing was so perfect.
And I knew that as I took the hand of friendship that was
offered me, my God smiled, He had waited a long time for
this to be.

I talked so much about my life and about all those fears of
mine. The times I hurt and was so alone.

You helped me see that all those times, there was always
me and Him right there. Never was I ever all alone.

Everything had a purpose, a reason for my life. To make
me into the woman I am today. To show me now how
to live my life in the Spirit........For that's how He created me!

So thank you my friend for being there, for showing me what
a friend can be... I treasure the truth you helped me to see.

Praise my God ... He healed me and set me free.

In His Love

Les

I know this is my blog, my place where I can write down honestly as I feel…but the truth is that I have always been reluctant to really express my feelings and the struggles that are going on within me. I have a tendency to just cover up and allow the outside to show something different from what is really going on inside of me.

Maybe this is an experiment to see if I actually can be honest with myself, to be transparent at least in the privacy of my own web log.

I have been struggling spiritually, not with my faith in God, because that is stronger and growing, but I have been struggling with accepting teachings within the church I was going to. I have tried to find answers to my questions and I know that for me I have received the answers, I just can’t accept them and so this lead me to the big question… what to do about it?

Am I better to be in fellowship and struggle continually with the doctrines and teachings or am I better to be honest with myself and if necessary go it alone, just God and me?

I follow God and He alone, my desire is to be obedient to Him, to be free to hear and obey Him.

My God is the one who directs my paths,

who leads me by His Spirit,

who speaks to my heart,

who picks me up when I fall,

who listens to me,

who loves me unconditionally,

who is the potter and is molding me, the clay, into a vessel He can use to His glory.

My God is the one who sent His only Son to suffer and to die so that I may live.

So I have been resigning from all those commitments that I have had within the church I have been going to, disentangling myself from all areas that I am involved with there.

It is hard because this also involves personal friendships that have been built. It also involves a lot of hurts and others not understanding why and confusion from them.

I have to do this to be honest to myself and to be honest to others, but more than anything, I have to do this to be honest to my God and to be obedient to Him.

I should be at peace, I have made my decision and I am at peace in that… but I am also hurting a lot as well, I feel like I am floating around belonging no where now.

I hate the loneliness of not being part of a church family, of not going and worshipping together on a Sunday. Where I live I cannot see a fellowship that I can go to go at this time.

I guess for me it is a grieving, a loss of what I thought I knew was right, a recognition of what I needed to do…a time of having to let go and let God.

I do not think this post is sounding rational at all, but for once, I do not care, its how I am feeling today. I feel hurt, I feel lonely, and I feel redundant…

We can choose that which we do, and I did that, I choose that path for myself albeit I truly believed that was what God wanted, least I convinced myself He did.

What we do not get to choose is the consequences of our choices, what I am feeling now are the consequences of my choices.

Lord, help me to hear Your voice, help me to follow You and to be obedient to You alone.

In His Love

Les

I was thinking about us as Christians, being a light in this world, and that we are called to let our light shine in the darkness of this world.

And that we are to die to self. To melt away and destroy the flesh in our lives.

I looked at a candle and saw how it stands there looking real nice, but it is cold and of no use really unless it is lit.

Much like us as people, we can look good, but unless we are on fire by the Holy Spirit, we wont make a difference in this life.

In the lighting of the candle, we can see the flesh burn away and change the candle from a dead thing into a living .. warm light!

When I looked at the candle that was burning, all the flesh of the candle was melting away and being destroyed as the candle burnt away.

The wonderful thing was as the flesh was being destroyed and burnt, the light burned brightly and the glow was seen all over the room. As the flesh died its glow and light got more and more.

As Christians we are to let our flesh die and burn away...... Dead to self....but alive to HIM! Less of me Lord, and more of You!

Let my light shine for YOU!

Jesus The Light Of The World!


In His Love

Les

~ ~For my dear friend and sister in the Lord, Grasshopper~ ~

Nehemiah, the good, rose up from his weeping to do something about a vision God had laid on his heart. Under divine providence, he was soon transported from Shushan to his beloved city, Jerusalem, armed with authority and equipped with materials to rebuild the ruined city. . . .

The first device of the "enemy," upon hearing of the undertaking, was to heap ridicule on the whole plan. Sanballat, Tobiah and Geshem laughed Nehemiah and his helpers to scorn.

Undeterred, Nehemiah replied with firm assurance, "The God of heaven, he will prosper us." And the work went on according to plan.

After all other means had failed to hinder the reconstruction, the conspirators tried to arrange for a conference with Nehemiah. The man of God saw in this an evil purpose to do him mischief and divert him from his monumental work. His reply to the would-be mischief-makers is classic, and might well be adopted for the all-time stock reply to all such overtures:

"I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" (Nehemiah 6:3). The great task to which God had called Nehemiah was so important that every other consideration must be waived.

Would that we might have such an overpowering sense of being about our Father's business and be so impressed with the grandeur of our task that we would reject every suggestion of the evil one that would bid us take up some lesser pursuit.

Let us rout him with the words that date back to 445 B.C., and which cannot be improved upon:

"I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down."

Scripture … [ Nehemiah 6:3 ]

So I sent messengers to them with this reply: 'I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?'

Thought For You Grasshopper

When we are certain of the Lord's will we may, with faith confidence pursue it, despite the obstacles and opposition.

Being about His business is our business.

In His Love

Les

Have you ever felt like you asked so many questions about something that was important to you and that when the answers came, they made perfect sense?

And when you accepted the answers, you felt right about moving on in the answers you had accepted, even though deep in your heart there was still a battle going on trying to convince yourself of something you were not very sure about.

Have you ever told yourself you have a peace about things and on the surface, you really do, but deep within the battle to understand and accept still goes on?

And you then begin to try putting those things you learned into your life?
For a time there are ways to move all around those issues that are confusing and that do not sit right within your spirit. I have a too hard basket and I toss things in there and tell myself I will get back to them when I have grown up a bit and the time is right for me to understand. The thing is that often the things in the too hard basket are never resolved for me.

And then all of a sudden you see other things that were maybe not there, or not there visibly there at the time of the questions, or maybe they were but they were just placed in that too hard basket for a while?

Now, the answers for me don’t come so fast anymore, now the questions are harder, or is it maybe that the searching is deeper than before? I realise that it is a constant battle to understand and try to accept some things.

Whatever the reason is, whatever excuse I give myself for continuing to battle these questions, it has the ability to steal ones peace, and to take my joy away.

Did I really feel that peace, or did I just convince myself that I wanted more than anything else at the time to accept and understand, even if I did not totally understand it all? I really do not know....

All I do know for sure is that at this time I somehow allowed myself to become more confused than I ever was before the questioning started. I am trying so hard to make sense of this turmoil within me.

I have to stop this battling and I have to start listening to what God is saying to my spirit. All I desire is to be closer to my God and to worship Him with all my being, totally.

I know that I will have frustrated people and maybe disappointed some, and that upsets me. I know more than anything I am disappointed in myself.

Dear Lord forgive me, I am so tired of this turmoil inside me... Help me to see clearly the things that You want me to see. Let this battle within me cease and let me feel Your peace.

I love You Lord and I want to worship and serve You always…

Les